Monday, May 10, 2010


Third post on this blog… second post in a month…

I have an excuse. I am fucking exhausted.

When do comedians who have full-time jobs find time to write, sleep, hang with friends and family, exercise, live life and eat? If I hated my job and/or life, I would understand why people would want to quit everything and pursue comedy full-time. Fortunately, I really like my nerd-job and the fact that I’m one of two women in the office and wore a Run DMC T-Shirt, ripped jeans, no make-up and flip-flops to work today(Yes, that's me when I dyed my hair, and my brother, Mark). My family and friends are all amazing, and I have a slew of other stuff I could be doing on the side that will actually generate some additional income.

Stand-up is terribly addictive. You're invited to a party where only the strangest and most creative people fit in. It's inspiring to see a comedian's set develop and friends succeed in front of a crowd that's awesome.  The next night I'll see the funniest people bomb in front of a brutal crowd, just to pick themselves up and rock it at the next venue. It’s a talented and motivated group; constantly developing their sets, writing, and being creative. However, it can be unforgiving. If one of the club falls behind for too long, no one waits. I keep telling myself that I(and my dad) didn't spend $80k on Penn State to be a stand-up comedian full-time and give up on a career that I love so that I can stand like Wonder Woman on stage and make people laugh (Jason Keyes thinks I stand like Wonder Woman. Lucky Johnston, my Facebook fiancé, is convinced that I am actually She-Hulk).

I am trying to balance my life, comedy and my job, which is the hardest I have had to work at something since balancing swimming, dance, and Model United Nations in 9th grade. 

Here's my weekly comedy/work schedule, 1/3 of which I make it to, but have proven to be my favorite spots:

Work, M-F: 7:00ish – 4:00ish
Mondays: Lion's Lair, Benders
Tuesdays: Comedy Works, The Squire
Wednesdays: Old Chicago's, The Cork (in Ft. Collins... I'm not driving there)
Thursdays: Paris on the Platte (now cancelled)
Fridays: Gennaro's, 404
Saturdays: Bovine Improv Classes
Sundays: Comedy Works South, Kinga's

Luckily, I’m still not very funny, and am rarely invited to do any other shows. This became clear after I did a writing workshop and realized that I was talking about nothing of value; yammering on about how I'm a whore and giving listeners the impression that I am generally a terrible, conceited person who likes to make fun of people's disabilities, races, and unfortunate circumstances. If you know me at all, you know that this is only a small portion of my daily thought process. I also very much dislike most children that I'm not related to and any food that looks even remotely similar to baby vomit.

I suppose it’s time to be a little bit more true to myself. So, what the hell should I talk about now?
  • Waxing?
  • Synchronized Swimming?
  • 12 years of working in amusement parks?
  • Catholicism?
  • The meth house in my backyard?

Here's to writing…. and to keeping my day job.


  1. Way to go after something you're passionate about! It helps that 'most sets' likely bring smiles & laughter to others in the room. I'd think your family alone would give you material for the next few years, rules won't be broken or you won't be thrown into PC jail if you poke fun at family, will you? Stand tall, as you do, and carry on my wayword niece. One day, I'll pay to have you make me laugh. For now, I'd rather cash in on my family discount :-)

  2. Really? Paris on the Platte is done?

    Touche on the blog. I've tried a couple times to get one started but have never gotten past 2 entries. So... you're way ahead of me.

    As far as "what to talk about now", I vote: your 12 years of being a Carnie.

  3. I totally vote exaggerated carnie stories. Did you once aspire to be a bearded lady? Did you sleep with a siamese twin? That should probably be siamese twins, if you sleep with one you probably sleep with both right?

  4. Heather! Love because I hate my job so you've inspired me to do stand-up full-time...just kidding. Two--because if you did the same writing workshop I did with Deacon, I came to the same conclusion about my jokes. Oh wow, I'm a racist offensive whore. So that's nice. Let's write together soon. Once my job stops sucking so much ass. :)

  5. Ok. The truth is out. I was a carnie. Working on how to sum up 12 years of being a carnie into a concise joke. No idea.

    Nicole, let's definitely write together soon.

    Damnit. I am never going to live this carnie thing down.