Ten (or Sometimes Nine) Local Comics

I learned a valuable lesson last week. I do not enjoy 'officially' judging my fellow comedians.


The School of Mines apparently doesn't admit girls. Or, maybe the girls were all off studying, because I was asked to be the female judge for their monthly comedy competition, Ten Local Comics. I'm not sure why the ladies aren't flooding into The Blue Canyon Underground. It's full of soon-to-be-rich manly men that are almost all single. I'm headed back there in a couple of weeks for sure…  to compete.

There were nine comedians, all of whom I know pretty well, have seen regularly, and think are all (mostly) great people. I promised to be impartial and willingly accepted the offer for free drinks.

There were three categories (I hope I'm not giving away any industry secrets.):

• Material
• Stage Presence
• Crowd Response

The paper was blank other than allotted points in each category and a space to write the comedian's name. It lacked descriptions of what exactly we were looking for, and had an allotted amount points next to each category. My mind was racing. Are these T-Scores? Do we start in the middle? What does 'Material' mean? Originality? Is the crowd supposed to respond somehow?  I was planning on copying the other judge's answers, but they kept covering them up. Nerds.

So, I winged it.

The first three comedians were staring at an unresponsive crowd and using a faulty mic. At some point the technical problems were fixed. Then came Rick Bryan, who killed it, and brought the audience to life. Vinnie Montez, Chad Neidt and Kyle Bufkin all came up, and killed it… and then the crowd no longer gave a shit, and the last two comedians bombed.

And I judged.

When we pulled all of the papers together to tally the scores, it appeared that I was the most unforgiving of the judges and gave a majority of the low scores. I didn't realize that the comedians get copies of judge's tallies…

Kyle Bufkin won the $100. He did a great job, and certainly deserved the prize.   Rick Bryan won 'Crowd Favorite'.

Afterwards, some of the guys were pretty down about the judge's perception of them (my perception of them). The reality of it is that it didn't matter. Yeah, some of their material needs a lot of work (as does mine), but that's part of the game. If you aren't willing to accept feedback and know what to do with it, then you're act probably isn't going to improve. Critiquing is vital growth in all aspects of art. So, let's cut the bullshit and be honest with each other.

If a crowd is silent, they don't think you're funny (I have certainly experienced this). But, someone else might. So I guess we just keep writing, and know that the individuals in the audience might be having a bad day, or a great day, or just broke up with a lover, or maybe got a raise. But, in the end they're usually there to laugh, even if they're a judge.

I'd rather be competing.

Re-Write

Third post on this blog… second post in a month…

I have an excuse. I am fucking exhausted.

When do comedians who have full-time jobs find time to write, sleep, hang with friends and family, exercise, live life and eat? If I hated my job and/or life, I would understand why people would want to quit everything and pursue comedy full-time. Fortunately, I really like my nerd-job and the fact that I’m one of two women in the office and wore a Run DMC T-Shirt, ripped jeans, no make-up and flip-flops to work today(Yes, that's me when I dyed my hair, and my brother, Mark). My family and friends are all amazing, and I have a slew of other stuff I could be doing on the side that will actually generate some additional income.

Stand-up is terribly addictive. You're invited to a party where only the strangest and most creative people fit in. It's inspiring to see a comedian's set develop and friends succeed in front of a crowd that's awesome.  The next night I'll see the funniest people bomb in front of a brutal crowd, just to pick themselves up and rock it at the next venue. It’s a talented and motivated group; constantly developing their sets, writing, and being creative. However, it can be unforgiving. If one of the club falls behind for too long, no one waits. I keep telling myself that I(and my dad) didn't spend $80k on Penn State to be a stand-up comedian full-time and give up on a career that I love so that I can stand like Wonder Woman on stage and make people laugh (Jason Keyes thinks I stand like Wonder Woman. Lucky Johnston, my Facebook fiancé, is convinced that I am actually She-Hulk).

I am trying to balance my life, comedy and my job, which is the hardest I have had to work at something since balancing swimming, dance, and Model United Nations in 9th grade. 

Here's my weekly comedy/work schedule, 1/3 of which I make it to, but have proven to be my favorite spots:

Work, M-F: 7:00ish – 4:00ish

Mondays: Lion's Lair, Benders

Tuesdays: Comedy Works, The Squire

Wednesdays: Old Chicago's, The Cork (in Ft. Collins... I'm not driving there)

Thursdays: Paris on the Platte (now cancelled)

Fridays: Gennaro's, 404

Saturdays: Bovine Improv Classes

Sundays: Comedy Works South, Kinga's

Luckily, I’m still not very funny, and am rarely invited to do any other shows. This became clear after I did a writing workshop and realized that I was talking about nothing of value; yammering on about how I'm a whore and giving listeners the impression that I am generally a terrible, conceited person who likes to make fun of people's disabilities, races, and unfortunate circumstances. If you know me at all, you know that this is only a small portion of my daily thought process. I also very much dislike most children that I'm not related to and any food that looks even remotely similar to baby vomit.

I suppose it’s time to be a little bit more true to myself. So, what the hell should I talk about now?

• Waxing?
• Synchronized Swimming?
• 12 years of working in amusement parks?
• Catholicism?
• The meth house in my backyard?

Here's to writing…. and to keeping my day job.